hi all…hope everyone is well and in a good place…if not, I hope you will soon meet a road that will lead you there.
This moment, I am just looking for a reason to pull my head out of this 180 page work document i have to review and revise by the am…so this is my 15 minute tumble break as I read through your posts. You so amuse, inspire and often knock me out of complacency-which is a good thing. Sometimes I even feel a little saved by all of you. But it is all about balance, isn’t it? Today, at work, I had somewhat of a mini panic attack that lasted about forty minutes. I didn’t let on but I had to literally get up from my chair and run down 7 flights of stairs in the guise that I was going to get a drink from the cafeteria. When I reached the basement, I felt the pressure from my chest lift and I let my invisible tears flow. Whatever it was that brought it on, I do not know. It lifted as quickly as it came. But it spooked me and it felt like a bit of a warning. I’ve become aware of warnings. And I don’t ignore them as I once did.
I will be on vacation over the next two weeks with a mini conference planned midway. My director asked if I would postpone my time off for a few months. The old me would have said yes without a thought. Today, I stood my ground and was confident that I wasn’t leaving work “hanging”. We are human. We have lives. I have a life to take care of and it will never mean as much to anyone else as it does to me. These are hard lessons to learn but I have fallen into canyons and swam against fierce currents to learn them. And I am an example. We are all examples for each other. I learn from you and you from me. We are the worst mistakes and the greatest gifts. And we must share both if we are to truly know who we are.
…so off I go into your worlds for a little while…again.
