cashville:

I can’t sleep. I’ve been fully awake now for 35 hours. I forced myself to stay awake today so I could fall asleep tonight and get back on track. But it backfired. Now I can’t fall asleep. I drank chamomile tea, 3 cups worth. No good.

I’m pretty sure it’s because of all the writing that I’ve been doing lately. I only really started writing last summer. Before that I just held everything in, I really do believe that I’m paying a price now. Even though I’m definitely in better spirits these days(hard to believe I know)

I’ve been confused lately. But I now know what I need to do. I must go back to Olympia, WA and see Stephen. He’s the only person I’ve been able to be completely honest with. He is the greatest poet I’ve ever read, better than Ginsberg or Cummings in my opinion. He’s the kindest soul. He understands me in a way that I’m just now fully beginning to realize. I need his guidance. I don’t think I can be okay until I talk with him again. It’s been way too long…..about 4 years.

Sorry to rant like this, but I think it’ll help…